Unrequited love is troublesome
by Catgirl Akai
Summary: What happens when Ino becomes obsessed with Neji? Well he of course takes some drastic measures to get the girl away from him. Lots of blackmail. Love potions. Temari being evil. NejiGaara, ShinoKiba and many onesided pairings.
1. No one calls Ino hideous

Hello lovies! This of course will be another NejiGaa fic. Because... i simply can't resist.

Main pairings: Neji/Gaara, Sasuke/Naruto, One sided Ino/Neji and moreee. Give me reviews because you love me TT

And if you have any suggestions for future couples let me know, k? D

Naruto does **not** belong to me. If it did much yaoi would ensue.

* * *

Hyuga Neji was evil and that was that. Or at least that's what Ino was thinking at the moment. Ever since their meeting during the second exam she hadn't been able to take him out of her mind. And he was suddenly everywhere. Buying flowers when it just so happened to be her turn to watch the store. 'Who were those flowers for anyway?'

If she was eating at a restaurant, there he was. If she was training in the woods, there was his team. It was creepy. And he was evil. That was the only answer. "Hey, Ino-pig, listen to me when I talk!" Sakura yelled into the blonds face. "What do you want?" the girl retorted. "We have to go visit Sasuke-Kun and Lee!"

"Oh" Ino said snapping out of her trance and getting some flowers. They went to visit Sasuke-Kun first. And for the first time in Ino's life she was genuinely uninterested in the boy. She didn't care when he yelled at her and Sakura. His insults didn't sting. It was just annoying. She was actually glad to leave the Uchiha by himself and go visit Lee. At least Lee appreciated people coming to see him.

Lee was weird. But he was a nice person. And hard so hard working too! Ino wished Chouji and Shikamaru would be as hard working as Lee. Her thoughts were interrupted when they entered the room to find Neji and TenTen in the room already. TenTen gave the two girls a warm smile, glad that someone else had decided to come cheer Lee up as well. Neji glanced up and then looked away not caring at all.

After about twenty minutes of cheering Lee up the four exited the hospital together. TenTen suggested they go eat and cheer themselves up because hospitals were so dreary. Sakura agreed, Ino shrugged and Neji was about to decline when he saw Gai-Sensei approaching. He would certainly rather have an awkward meal with three girls then deal with Gai and his rambling so he went along with them.

They all went for ramen and regretted it. There was Naruto in all his annoying glory. And they couldn't shake him off. Eventually the conversation landed on Sasuke and which girl would get him. Ino was annoyed with the boy at the moment but she certainly wasn't going to loose to that big-forehead loser, Sakura.

"Of course he'll choose me"

"Don't be stupid, Ino-pig, it's obvious Sasuke-Kun wants me!"

"You wish."

"What do you guy's think?" Sakura asked with pleading eyes. Naruto refused to answer. TenTen said she didn't know what kind of girl Sasuke liked and Neji remained silent. "Well, Neji, who do you think?" Sakura urged. "Neither. You're both hideous" he said standing up and leaving.

Ino felt as if an anvil had fallen on her head and stayed there. How DARE he! That dirty evil bastard! No one called Ino hideous. NO ONE!

* * *

Short? Why yes, i know. Once i get reviews telling me to continue i shall post. I write fairly fast so if people show an interest i shall post fast.


	2. TenTen, your genius is showing

Ok. So i wrote more the saaame day i posted the first part. But hey. That's good for you. You get to see more and let me know if you want more. So love me. And review.

Yeah. I disclaim and the likes.

* * *

Ino spent the next week stalking Neji every chance she got. She would drag Shikamaru with her too so she'd have an excuse to be somewhere. "We're training here" or "Shika's mom needed us to get something from this store." They were lame excused and she knew it. But who cared, as long as she had an excuse that evil bastard couldn't accuse her of stalking.

Neji of course had his byakugan and could easily see her ducking behind shelves to observe him. Or following him home, or staring at him as he trained with TenTen. It was really quite annoying. So one day he made TenTen skip out on training to go visit Lee. "You need my help, Neji?" Lee said eyes wider then usual.

After Neji nodded Lee jumped out of his bed to hug him. "Gai-Sensei was right! With hard work you can achieve anything!" he said between sobs. "Get off" Neji said sending his teammate a deadly glare. "Ok… what is it that you need, Neji?" Lee asked sitting on his bed with a wide grin. "I need to get rid of Ino somehow. She's stalking me. Calling her rude names only makes her like me more" he added.

The three sat in silent thought for a while and suddenly TenTen put her hands together. "I got it! Why don't you go out with someone else? That'll make her back off!"

"But who?"

"Well… you could always force someone to do it. That way once Ino's off your back you can easily ditch the other person."

"When did you get so brilliant, TenTen?" Neji asked and TenTen just grinned. Rock Lee sat on his bed looking devastated because he didn't contribute to the problem solving at all. 'I'll succeed one day Gai-Sensei!' he thought to himself.

-The next day-

Neji and TenTen sat on a bench in a park observing the ninja their age passing by. Who in the world would be uninterested in Neji? He was flawless for god's sake! Neji sighed "I'm not so sure this plan is going to work now."

"It'll work! There has to be one person that you can force into this."

"Well, name one."

"Hm… what about those sand nin that are here for the exams?"

"That girl is far too hideous"

"Neji are you gay?"

"What?" the brunette yelled jumping to his feet. "Are you gay? I mean you think every freaking girl in konoha is ugly! What about the guy's?" Neji considered this for a moment. It was true; he'd never been interested in girls. But he'd never thought of guy's either. He was far too busy with training to think about relationships at all.

"Well… I've never really thought about it."

"So think about it. There are two sand nin boy's. You can force one of them into dating you for a few days so Ino will leave you alone. And then you'll never see them after the chuunin exams are over and you'll figure out if you're gay or not. You can't loose." Neji thought about this for a long moment and then nodded. "I guess you're right…"


	3. Sniffing ice cream

Mhm. Another short chapter Just for Sara-Chan. Because she likes it when i update. And I like it when she reviews. I want more readers. More reviewers. Love me? TT

I don't own Naruto.

* * *

Neji glanced at himself in the mirror before leaving the bathroom. 'Perfect as always' he thought to himself flashing Rock Lee's famous nice guy pose before heading to find his target. Sabaku Gaara. The other sand nin boy was just weird looking. What was up with that facial paint?

Gaara on the other hand was petite, but not weak. He had after all, almost killed Lee. His power was interesting and he wasn't half bad looking either. He was the perfect target. Neji would flash a smirk and win the smaller boy's heart over in no time! Then he'd get Ino to stop stalking him. Find out if he was gay or not and never have to see the weird little boy again.

Neji went to a park and alas! There was his target. But damn, he was there with his siblings. The blond girl was beating the boy with the weird facial paint with that giant fan of hers. It looked a bit painful… Neji heard parts of the conversation between the blows. "Gaara is not a baby-eater!" she screamed… or something to that effect. Neji didn't really want to find out.

"Sabaku Gaara!" he said from a few meters away giving a smirk that screamed 'You will enjoy me stealing your virginity.' Gaara turned his attention away from his siblings and raised a nonexistent brow at the boy standing before him. He recalled seeing the brunette fighting his… cousin, was it, at the chuunin exams?

"I demand you go on a date with me" Neji said flatly causing the bickering sand nin to stop and stare at him. Kankuro sat up though his head was bleeding from the beating his sister had given him and Temari's jaw had dropped from shock. "Did you hear me?" Neji asked furring his brows in frustration when he received no reaction from his target. "No" Gaara replied. "I said-"

"I meant no to your question" Gaara said cutting him off and walking away. Neji felt his world slip from under him. "I was… turned down?" he whispered to himself eyes wide. (A/N: This is so one of those black screen moments where the character is just a dot in the center with the OO face)

-Later in the hospital-

TenTen giggled as she heard the story a second time when Neji was telling Rock Lee what had happened. Lee sniffed dramatically "I feel your pain, Neji! It is the same with myself and Sakura-Chan!" he said tears streaming down his face.

"What do I do? How can I force someone like Gaara to go out with me for a few days?" Neji asked with pleading eyes. "Get blackmail" TenTen suggested "like catch him hugging a bunny or picking flowers. Something really embarrassing he wouldn't want people to see."

"You think Gaara does things like that?" Rock Lee asked not being able to imagine the boy who'd been so close to killing him doing something of the sort. "Well we all do weird things when we're alone" TenTen said with a nod. Neji nodded as well. He after all enjoyed making nice guy poses in his mirror. He had even mastered the tooth glint Rock Lee and Gai-Sensei were famous for and he certainly wouldn't want other people to see that. Gaara had to have a secret!

Neji spent the next few days avoiding Gai-Sensei and bringing TenTen along to spy on the sand siblings. They spent a lot of time in their hotel. When they were out they ate. Gaara didn't really eat though. They'd go to the park where Kankuro would say something insulting about Gaara like how he didn't need to eat because he drank blood. Or how he was a baby-eater and would receive a severe beating from Temari while Gaara either watched them with disgust or looked off into space.

After the fourth day of stalking Gaara and being stalked by Ino at the same time Neji finally found his blackmail…

Gaara had finally managed to shake off his siblings and went into an ice cream parlor. There were only about eight or so people in the small shop when he entered. At his glare they left and he turned to the man at the counter. "If you speak of this to no one I will spare your life" he said looking at the man in the eye. When he was sure the man would comply he placed a large bill on the counter and ordered "one of everything."

Neji used his byakugan to see what was going on and snickered. He and TenTen snuck into the shop just as Gaara and lifted a bowl of chocolate ice cream to his face and sniffed it with a large child-like grin plastered on his face. He heard a click and opened his eyes to find Neji… and a camera…

He growled and made a grab for the camera but Neji was already halfway to the door screaming something alone the lines of "your life is in my hands Sabaku Gaara!" and then he was gone.

At that moment Gaara decided Hyuga Neji was evil.


	4. Your ass is mine, Hyuga!

Trekiael: Sanku, sanku. More cuteness approaches! 

Darka-Chan: -undying love-

00Pixie00: -flashes a nice guy pose with tooth glint and all-

My apologies for the insane shortness of zis chapter. But you love me anyway!

Leave me nice reviews and i promise my next chapter will be far more then a half page XD

Hm. I promise two + pages of Ino-depression and Neji-evilness next chapter, ks?

* * *

Early the next day Gaara sat waiting for Neji in the park. He knew the boy would be there and he needed to get that bloody picture back! After about an hour of waiting, Neji showed up with a grin plastered on his face. "Hey there, Gaara-Kun" he cooed and received a glare from the smaller boy. "I need that picture. And the negative" he added quickly. "Go out with me for a few days and no one will ever find out."

"And if I refuse?"

"Then all of konoha and sunaga will loose all fear and respect for you, I'm afraid" Neji said still grinning. Gaara hated that grin. He hated that face. All he wanted to do was kill him. But if he did that then he'd never get those pictures. And if he didn't get those pictures then someone else would and he couldn't have any of that.

"Fine" he said through clenched teeth. Oh, he'd play the Hyuga's little game but once he got those pictures the bastard was dead! 'Your ass is mine, Hyuga!' he thought to himself as he glared at Neji whose grin had become even larger… if that was possible.

Neji snaked an arm around Gaara's waist "No, no, none of that, Gaara-kun!" he said when Gaara's sand came up around his neck. "We need to go get some flowers" the brunette said once Gaara's sand had left his neck. "Why?"

"Because Ino needs to see us"

"Why?"

"I'm forcing you into this so that Ino will stop stalking me. We'll make a few appearances in random places. Be seen holding hands in the park and eating dinner together. Things like that. Then you're free."

"How can I be sure you'll keep your word?"

"Well if I don't you'll kill me, won't you?"

"Yes"

"I value my life, so I'll keep my word."

Gaara considered this for a moment and then nodded in agreement. "So how long are we doing this?" he asked with a sigh as they made their way to the flower shop. "Hm. Well a week should be long enough."

"Three days"

"Well three days would be more then enough to just get Ino away. But there's something else I need too. So I need a week."

"What's the other thing?"

"I can't tell you that."

"Four days."

"Five."

The sand nin sighed again "I hope I fight you during the finals…" he muttered.


	5. You will be begging for me

Trekiael: I love you! You're so right. It is Gaara's ass that's Neji's XD

Eh, well you'll have to read and find out. Neji _does_ have that virginity stealer smirk. Just look at it. Whenever he smirks it's like "woah, how'd i get naked and on a bed?"

Screw the byakugan. That's Neji's true weapon!

* * *

"You like Neji now?" Sakura asked in amazement. Ino gave her a nod yes and looked annoyed. "But he's so good at evading me! I need your help, Sakura!" she demanded with pleading eyes. Sakura considered her choices. Make fun of Ino until the sun went down or help the girl. Making fun of her would of course bring great satisfaction. But if she helped her it meant having her path to Sasuke clear! After a moment of contemplating things Sakura grinned at her childhood friend "of course I'll help you." 

Ino was about to grin back at the girl when she heard the door open and looked up. The sight before her had her horror stricken. Sakura turned to see what her friend was looking at and her jaw dropped. There in the door way was Neji with Gaara. As if Gaara's mere presence weren't horrifying enough but they were holding hands. Fingers linked. Neji was picking out flowers and putting them in the boy's hair.

"NOOOOOO!" the two girls said in unison. Ino's hopes and dreams of marrying the Hyuga and having many children were destroyed. Sakura's dream of having her path to Sasuke clear was eliminated in less than five minutes! It wasn't fair!

Neji walked up to the counter with a large grin on his face. The other three in the room thought that grin was evil… "How much for these?" he asked pointing to the flowers Gaara hadn't managed to take out of his hair. "Take them and leave" Sakura said as Ino hadn't moved from her current position since the two boy's had entered the small shop.

The Hyuga gave them a satisfied smile and nearly skipped out of the shop with Gaara in tow. Outside Gaara quickly let go of Neji's hand and ran his fingers through his hair attempting to rid himself of the evil colorful scented plants of doom. "Four days" he pleaded. "Five, you already agreed!" Neji said his grin never faltering.

"You're evil"

"Want to go get some ice cream?"

"What?"

"Ice cream, my treat"

"Are you mocking me?"

"Come on, koi" Neji said grabbing the boy's hand again and leading him to the ice cream parlor.

-At the ice cream parlor-

Ino and Sakura slipped into the small establishment a few moments after Neji and Gaara had taken seats at a booth. They were dressed with long black trench coats and sun glasses that covered most of their faces. "Sakura! Ino!" TenTen shouted loudly walking over to the two. They dragged her into their booth putting their hands over her mouth. "Shhhh"

"What is it?" TenTen asked once they'd let go of her face. "We're spying on Neji and Gaara. They're here… on a… on a…"

"On a date" Sakura finished and Ino shuddered. TenTen stifled a laugh "you two do realize that Neji knows you're here, right?"

"What, he does?" Ino shrieked "his byakugan… you guys can't sneak up on him." The two girls looked devastated at the news and slunk gloomily in their seats.

Meanwhile Gaara was staring at the chocolate ice cream before him. It took every strand of his strength not to smell the wonderful chocolaty goodness before him. He shoved a spoonful into his mouth and could weep. That is, if Sabaku Gaara cried.

"Is it good?" Neji asked grinning at the boy. Gaara sent him an icy glare over his bowl and continued eating. That Hyuga was good for three things. Grinning evilly, ruining lives and buying ice cream. Not that Gaara was concerned with money. He was the kazekage's son after all, money was insignificant. But he might as well get something out of these miserable five days.

After about an hour Gaara had gone through twenty seven bowls. Neji counted. It was scary and amusing at once, scary because the boy's stomach was like a bottomless pit, but funny because it was Gaara. The baby-eating blood sucking monster… yeah, that Gaara was eagerly plowing through bowl after bowl of every flavor ice cream known to man.

On his twenty eighth bowl Neji noticed a small amount of ice cream on the side of Gaara's mouth… oh so tempting. He contemplated things for a while. Lick it off and smirk sexily causing the girls not too far off to die of shock or live another day… Hm. It was a tough decision!

Neji decided he would probably die after these five days were up, so he might as well enjoy himself! He leaned over the table when Gaara was distracted ordering another bowl of ice cream and. LICK.

A few booths over Ino passed out. Sakura wept silently. 'Sasuke-Kun, you are further and further away every moment!' she thought to herself. TenTen squealed like the closet yaoi fangirl she was. And about a dozen sets of eyes locked on the two boys. Gaara was just licked… and smirked at sexily… and he did nothing?

Gaara waited for his twenty ninth bowl of ice cream and acted as if Neji hadn't done a thing. "Hey, Gaara-Kun" Neji whined causing the smaller boy to look up. "What?"

"I just licked you"

"Yeah, so?"

"Aren't you going to kill me?"

"No"

"So then you liked it?" the Hyuga said looking smug. 'YOSH! No one can resist my charm!' he thought doing a mental nice guy pose. "Not at all…"

"WHAAAT?" he shrieked feeling his world fall from under him… again. "I didn't like it" Gaara said bluntly eating another spoonful.

Neji looked devastated for a moment. He mumbled something about 'failing at life' and 'not living up to the Hyuga name' before he stood leaning very close to the sand nin's face "you will be begging for me by the end of these five days" he said before slamming a few bills down on the table to pay for the ice cream as he promised and leaving the ice cream parlor.

By now Ino and Sakura were hugging each other weeping gleefully. There was hope! The couple had had their first fight. If Ino were to strike soon she might win the Hyuga's heart over! Sakura may have her path cleared. TenTen might need a blood transfusion from the nosebleed she now had. (A/N: Because every yaoi fangirl gets a nosebleed at such a sight!)

Gaara shrugged to himself, finished his twenty ninth bowl of ice cream and left the shop as well. 'Psssh, that Neji was dreaming. Sabaku Gaara did not beg.' Was the thought on his mind as he made his way back to the hotel he and his siblings were staying at.


	6. Love potions

Corvin: Thanks a whole lot. But you CAN'T boycott writing. We are eternal rivals we both must write. And one day i shall beat you at rock, paper scissors!

Trekiael: Yes, twenty nine bowls of ice cream. Bottomless pit stomach. Mhm

Yeah, i know Neji's a bit too ooc. But it would be boring if he were as serious as he usually is. In this chapter i give him a reason to be all spastic though.

LondonRevel: Yes, i know... sexy mental image, no? XD

FireIceGoddess: Thanks so much!

Ok. Sorry about updating sorta late, lovies. I had this chapter ready since saturday but was being evil and not letting me upload it. But it's hear now! I'm nearly done with chapter seven too, so enjoy!

* * *

Neji racked his brain all night thinking of ways to win over Gaara's heart. But he couldn't think of a single thing that would work on the weird boy. So he decided to ask the one person that would know. His sister, Temari. She was scary… but Neji's last resort.

"I knew this moment would come" Temari said when she saw the Hyuga approaching her. "So you want to know how to conquer my brother's heart, eh." she said with a smirk. Neji crossed his arms over his chest and said nothing. "I'll take that as a yes" she squealed and took a small bottle out of her pocket. "Slip this into his ice cream and you shall have one very loving, Gaara-Kun."

"What is it?"

"Why, it's a love potion of course!"

"…Does it really work?"

"It worked on Shikamaru. You should see how sweet and loving he is!"

"Thanks" he grumbled and with that he was gone. 'Oh yes, Gaara-Kun. Your heart is mine!'

Only minutes later Temari was approached by another frustrated youth. "I need that potion you gave to Shikamaru" Sakura said with pleading eyes. Temari reached in her pocket and handed the girl a small bottle. "Thank you!" she exclaimed and skipped off.

Later a stuttering girl that Temari later found out was Hinata asked for a bottle as well. "You know… you could make millions with this stuff" Kankuro said from his seat next to the evil girl. "I know" she said with a large grin.

Later that day in Rock Lee's hospital room Neji pulled the small bottle out triumphantly "I shall win his love now!" Neji said with that evil grin of his. Rock Lee was about to point out a flaw in his plan when TenTen walked in looking flushed. "I had to run away from Gai-Sensei… you wouldn't believe how fast he is" she said between breaths. After composing herself she took a seat and grabbed the bottle from Neji's hand downing it "thanks" she said with a smile not noticing when Lee's and Neji's jaw dropped.

-Meanwhile in a room not too far off-

"Please eat it, Sasuke-Kun" Sakura begged holding a plate out to him. He refused with a silent glare and Ino took the bowl from her friend. "Go ahead and starve then" she said taking a bite "Mm, delicious" she teased. Sakura nearly fell off her chair but by the time she'd snatched the bowl away from the blond she was already staring at Sasuke with puppy eyes.

-Later in the Hyuga estate-

Neji slammed the front door and leaned against it panting. TenTen was so incredibly fast! And she wasn't like other girls in love… no… she didn't stalk and plead. She demanded and attacked! "N-Neji-n-iisan" Hinata stuttered out looking at her cousin with concern. He looked at the bottle in her hands and quickly swiped it away. "Sorry, Hinata, but I'll need this later" he said running out the back door.

The Hyuga found himself in a park not too far from the hospital. He stopped for a breath when he was sure he couldn't hear TenTen storming after him and drank the contents of the bottle he'd taken from his cousin. Before he could finish he felt someone collide with him.

"Sorry, Neji" Sasuke said helping the boy up and dusting himself off. "I'm running away from Ino… she's… well you should know. She was stalking you the other day, wasn't she?" The Uchiha looked up when he heard no response and was faced with a puppy-eyed Neji.

That's when he began to wonder if perhaps his brother had put a curse on him that fateful night; a curse that would torment him with stalkers for the rest of his existence… or something like that and then he was running again.

The sand siblings sat in the park watching with amusement. Sasuke was being chased by Ino and Neji who was being chased by TenTen who at the moment looked as if she had more murderous intent then Gaara himself. Sakura and Hinata looked on from the sidelines silently cursing themselves for letting their potions get away from them.

"My potion works so well" Temari squealed. Kankuro had the urge to get some popcorn and continue watching but he feared missing something so he remained in his seat. And Gaara had pulled a bowl of ice cream from seemingly nowhere and was eating contently. Glad that he was finally free.

But of course his happy thoughts were fleeting…

* * *

I'm aware that i probably lost a lot of you. 

Temari's love potion:

Neji gets one meant for Gaara. TenTen drinks it and falls for Neji.

Sakura gets one meant for Sasuke. Ino drinks it. Falls for Sasuke.

Hinata gets one meant for Naruto. Neji drinks it. Falls for Sasuke.

So Neji and Ino are chasing Sasuke. TenTen is chasing Neji. And the sand siblings get free entertainment.

Tune in next time for a special appearance made by Gai-Sensei and more madness!


	7. I wish he was in love with me too

Much love to the following for adding my story to their favorites list:

00Pixie00, BlackSituations, Corvin, Darka-Chan, FireIceGoddes, Tiger.d.kim, Trinity of the phoenixes.

-many hugs for her reviewers-

Review more. It inspires me to write more!

And check out my other story _Fear of Curry._ It doesn't have enough reviews. -end shameless advertisement.-

* * *

Gai-Sensei and Rock Lee were standing outside of the hospital. Gai supervised his super cute student as he did one thousand one-handed push-ups. Just as Lee had made it to nine hundred and ninety seven one-handed pushups Sasuke tripped over him. The Uchiha didn't even bother to apologize as he quickly got up and resumed his running. "Sasuke-Kun! Cease your running! You shall never escape!" bellowed Neji. 

Rock Lee and Gai looked after Neji for a moment in shock. Then Gai struck a nice guy pose "I'm so proud! Neji has finally discovered his Youthful Exuberance!" Rock Lee stood at his Sensei's side weeping silently. "You were right, Gai-Sensei, one can achieve anything with hard work!"

"Konoha's beautiful green beasts' succeed again!"

"Gai-Sensei!"

"Lee"

"Gai-Sensei!"

"Lee"

"Gai-Sensei!"

And then there was a waterfall.

-Meanwhile in the ice cream parlor-

Kankuro had finally gotten bored watching poor Sasuke's suffering so he took Gaara to get some ice cream. 'Today is a good day' Gaara thought to himself as he waited patiently at the counter for Kankuro to order before he began asking for his rather long list of flavors. "Vanilla" Kankuro said with a cheery smile. Once the clerk had returned with his vanilla ice cream he frowned "I asked for chocolate."

The man went back and brought him chocolate. "Hey, I asked for vanilla, can't you get things right!" Gaara smirked. Why hadn't he thought of such a wonderful form of torture! Today was a good day; it was a day full of suffering for people not named Gaara. And Gaara enjoyed that kind of suffering.

Kankuro finally settled with strawberry ice cream and gave the clerk that same cheery smile. He placed a hundred dollar bill on the counter though the strawberry ice cream only cost three dollars "I'd like my change in ones and fives" he said grinning. Gaara was suddenly filled with admiration for his brother. Such evil coming from him! It was beautiful.

After finally getting all his change Kankuro smiled at his younger brother "order whatever you want." Gaara opened his mouth to begin his long list when someone burst threw the door. But not just abruptly came in… no they broke straight threw the door… "I knew I'd find you here!" screamed TenTen who looked as if she'd run around Konoha five hundred times. Gaara didn't like that fire burning in her eyes. Or the evil smirk she gave him and she stormed over to him. Or the fact that she held a picture in her hands…

It couldn't be _that_ picture. No! Neji had that picture! Neji was no longer interested in using him. Blast that Neji for not having a good lock on his door… "You know what this is" TenTen said waving the picture in front of Gaara's face; he didn't bother trying to snatch it. There were probably copies and there was the negative as well. "What do you want?"

"You will kill Uchiha Sasuke for me"

"Why?"

"Because Neji is in love with him, with him out of the way, Neji shall be mine!"

"And if I refuse?"

"You know the drill, embarrassment beyond comprehension."

Gaara let out a long sigh. This was supposed to be a good day. This was supposed to be a day for the suffering of those not named Gaara, so why was he suffering? It must be the ice cream clerks fault. He put a curse on the sand boy. Yes, that was defiantly it! Once Gaara sorted out his troubles he'd come seek revenge on that clerk… Oh yes…

-Sasuke's POV-

So I've been running for –looks at watch- seven hours. It was easy to ditch Ino, I've escaped her many times. But Neji is a new case… he's fast, and in my injured state this is becoming difficult… And now it's not only Neji. Oh no, as if my problems weren't bad enough… now I have that crazy sand nin, Gaara screaming at me. "Uchiha Sasuke!" Yeah… that's him. There's something scary in his eyes. I wish he was in love with me too, at least that way he wouldn't kill me. But at this rate either Neji will catch me and rape me in my weakened state or Gaara will kidnap me and torture me until I die…

Maybe I should have just agreed to going out with Sakura (T.T)

* * *

I got the idea of Kankuro's torturing the poor ice cream clerk from a friend of mine that actually does things like that to guy who drives the ice cream truck. They are arch enemies and i couldn't resist adding it to my story kekeke. 


	8. Hit List

Corvin: I think anyone would be happy to have Neji want to rape them XD 

Nadramon: -gasp- i heart NejiGaa. But i guess to each his own. There'll be many more couples in future chapters! So look forward to it.

FireIceGoddess: Yes, it is a cool way of torture. My friend actually does that and when i found out i couldn't help adding it to my story lol

Trenchcoatgirl-Kyo: I already replied to you. Excuse my lazyness with not fixing things though.

Note for readers: I know i made the mistakeof not putting Sabaku no Gaara. But i'm way too lazy to fix it. You know what it's supposed to be. I might fix it later when i'm done writing this.

* * *

"Kankuro"

"Gaara"

"Make one of your puppets look like me"

"…Why?"

"Because TenTen is attempting to assassinate me and I've run out of chakra"

"…How'd you run out of chakra?"

"I was trying to kill Sasuke and Neji was interfering."

"…Ok…"

"Tell Temari she's on my hit list."

"You have a hit list?"

"You're on it too. But don't worry, you're pretty far down on the list." And with that Gaara walked away.

After Gaara had left Sasuke ran past Kankuro, Neji only steps behind him. Kankuro quickly got in the way "hey, I have a way to make Sasuke love you" he said with a knowing nod. "What is it?" Neji asked eagerly "come, sit" he said sitting at a bench and patting the seat next to him "have a drink" he offered "you look like you've been running all day."

Neji accepted the drink with a smile. "Ok, now that you're back to normal" Kankuro continued when he saw the love-sick look in the Hyuga's eyes leave. "I, as the wonderful older brother I am, must have a serious talk with you."

"About?"

"About Gaara of course. What are your intentions?"

"I was just using him to get rid of Ino."

"So you're going to leave him alone now?" Neji nodded. "Your memory is really bad, Hyuga" Kankuro said looking frustrated. "My brother likes you a lot!"

"Huh?"

"Don't you remember? A long time ago you were in our village with your family and you offered to play with Gaara. He sure hasn't forgotten."

_-Flashbacks are fun-_

_Hyuga Neji. Boy genius, happy toddler on his way to the park. He'd been in sunaga for a week now and his father had finally given him permission to go explore. When he entered the park there were several children running away, the only one that remained was a younger boy with shocking red hair sitting on a swing. _

"_You're never going to win tag if you just sit there" the Hyuga said to the smaller boy. The redhead looked up and shook his head "We're not playing tag… they don't want to play with me." Neji frowned at this "I'll play with you" he offered. The younger boy stared at him for a moment in shock. He seemed to be caught in memory and then he shook his head and left the park. _

"That… that was Gaara?"

"Mhm"

"He's so different now… I didn't recognize him…"

"Well, now you know. I suggest you go make peace before he puts you on his hit list."

"He has a hit list?"

"…and I'm on it" Kankuro said bowing his head. Neji gave him a pat on the back. Poor guy.

-The next day-

Temari sat in the ice cream parlor with Shikamaru. He was going on about how something or another was troublesome when the door opened and Temari was greeted with a familiar scowl. "Gaara" she said waving to her brother. Midway through her wave she stopped and let out a fangirlish squeal. Neji had his arm draped around Gaara's shoulder and what's this? Gaara's cheeks were stained with a slight tinge of PINK?

"Not a word" Gaara said passing Temari and sitting in another booth. Neji sat across from Temari while his newly acquired love ordered his usual list. "He killed eight people on the way here. Traumatized fourteen children, threatened thirty two innocents and gave a very intimidating glare to seventy nine."

"Why?"

"Because they looked at us the wrong way"

Temari and Shikamaru shared a nervous sweat drop and decided to be silent about the entire matter. "Oh, and you're number eleven on his hit list, Temari" Neji said with a smile before he went to sit by Gaara.

* * *

Sorry for being slow with the update and this being short. BUT Gaara's suffering is over! He now has Neji. How Neji won his heart? You'll never know. It's a mystery even to me.

-Dramatic music-

Tune in next time for more crack!


	9. Selfproclaimed cupid

Woot. Praise me for updating so quickly.

Since i've already made Neji and Gaara a happy couple i needed a new one. So I decided on Shino and Kiba!

Every chapter shall contain a new pairing since Temari is potion-happy now. If you have anything you specifically want to see let me know, ks?

* * *

Temari rubbed her hands together in an evil fashion. It had been a week since Neji had managed to win over Gaara's heart. Temari felt very accomplished but her job was not yet over… "Now I can start my master plan!" Kankuro let out a sigh. "Haven't you done enough life ruining?"

"How do you mean! Gaara and Neji are a happy couple because of my brilliance!"

"… What about Sasuke?"

"Well Ino's always been in love with him anyway."

"…And Neji? TenTen is still stalking him."

"I'll fix that!"

Kankuro let out another sigh and just shrugged. There was no point in arguing, Temari would get her way. She'd ruin some more lives and within a month Konoha would be engaged in a civil war… probably people fighting over Sasuke… poor guy.

"Ok, now I've been observing the genin in this village and they are hopeless when it comes to love. First I will solve the love issues of the remaining rookie nine and Neji's team… THEN THE WORLD!"

* * *

"Target one. TenTen. I captured her at noon. She is in room with subject now. It's only a matter of time before the thirst gets to her and she drinks the potion… kekeke…"

"Oi, stop talking like that, Temari, it's creepy"

"Shut up, Kankuro! Oh wait, look, she's drinking it!"

"Who's the subject anyway?"

"It's a plushie."

"…You're making TenTen fall in love with a plushie so she'll leave Neji alone?"

"She's far too scary for me to pair her with anyone else…"

"…point taken…"

* * *

"Target two. Inuzuka Kiba. I slipped some potion into his tea. He will fall in love with subject soon…"

"What's the subject now?"

"Who"

"Oh, it's human this time?"

"Shush! Kiba shall fall in love with…" she paused for dramatic effect "himself!"

"…Why?"

"It'll make Shino jealous."

"You're pairing those two?"

"Yep!"

"If Shino finds out you'll be eaten by termites or something in your sleep…"

"Kankuro… termites eat wood."

"Shut up…"

-The next day-

"You didn't come to training" Shino said monotonously when Kiba opened his door. "I was busy"

"Doing?"

"Admiring myself in this here mirror" Kiba said pulling a mirror from behind him and smoothing back his hair. "…Perhaps you should go to the hospital" Shino said with a blank expression. "Nah, they don't have enough mirrors" Kiba said closing his door in Shino's face. If Shino didn't wear those shades one could witness a vein twitching uncontrollably under his eye.

When Shino returned with no Kiba Hinata became worried. When Shino refused to tell her what happened she became even more worried. When Shino offered to walk Hinata home after training she became scared. "W-what happened to K-Kiba-Kun?"

"How do you win some ones affections, Hinata?"

"W-well… I…" Hinata's face became very red and Shino realized she was not the correct female to speak of this with. "You there!" he said catching the attention of Sakura who was standing not too far away from them. "Me?" she asked looking over her shoulder. "I need your assistance."

-In Hinata's house-

It had been three hours. Yes, three hours. It was tough; Sakura and Hinata were sweating and panting for breath. But they'd finally managed to get Shino's sunglasses off and get him into a shirt that didn't cover half of his face. "Now" Sakura said clenching her fist in determination. She grinned an evil sort of grin and held a bottle of… purple nail polish in front of Shino's face.

"Why do I need to wear nail polish?"

"Because it's sexy"

"How so?"

"Itachi wears purple nail polish and he's a sex god."

"So?"

"Do you want to be a sex god?"

"No"

"SHUT UP AND WEAR THE FUCKING NAIL POLISH!"

Shino and Hinata exchanged a fearful glance. Perhaps Sakura wasn't the right person to come to for help…

After another two hours of struggling and Sakura managed to paint Shino's nails a nice shade of purple. Another hour and she'd gotten him to go knock on Kiba's door. "Show time" she said giving Shino a thumbs up and then she and Hinata hid in a bush.

"Every time our eyes meet…" Shino started reading off a paper. He looked over at the bush Sakura and Hinata were behind and glared. Sakura threw a kunai above his head and he continued "I feel my heart melt…"

"Awe, Shino, that's so sweet. With my beauty it's amazing you didn't come tell me this before." Kiba said smiling at his comrade and patting his arm. "But as you well know I'm far too beautiful to trouble myself with dating."

"This calls for drastic measures" Sakura said once Kiba had shut his door. "We need help from a pro…" Hinata looked frightened. "N-not… Temari!" Sakura nodded solemnly "I'm afraid there's no other way, Hinata-Chan."

* * *

"I knew this moment would come" Temari said smirking at the approaching rookies. Sakura had a death grip on Shino's arm and gave Temari a polite smile. "We need a love potion for Kiba" Temari nodded and handed the potion over to Shino. "Don't make a mistake like your two friends here did" she said giving them a serious look.

When the three had gone Kankuro took a seat next to his sister. "Couldn't you have just given them the antidote?"

"But then they'd know I gave him a potion in the first place!"

"…Not if you lie and say that was a potion but it was really an antidote."

"…I hate you…"

"I'll go fix things"

"You do that"

-Later at Kiba's house-

Sakura and Hinata were not good at this game. They somehow let the potion escape them and Akamaru drank it and ran out the front door. They truly felt for the poor soul that Akamaru laid eyes on first…

"What are we going to do now?" Sakura asked sitting down. Just then there was a knock at the window and like a knight in shining… cat-suit… Kankuro appeared. "I thought I'd come give you all an extra potion since you two let yours escape you before." The two girls blushed and let out a nervous laugh.

Kankuro strolled over to Kiba and offered him the drink. Kiba declined and Kankuro frowned "but Kiba if you let yourself get dehydrated you'll loose that wonderful glow in your cheeks." Kiba considered this for a moment and then took the drink. When he was finished he looked up at the first person he noticed was Shino.

"…What happened to your shades?"

"Sakura…" Kiba laughed and then looked around his room "did I forget my own birthday or something?" the three other genins shook their heads and exited the house. Kiba then looked over at Shino again. "What's that on your fingers?"

"…nail polish…"

"Why are you wearing nail polish?"

"…it's the polish of sex gods…" he said looking as if he'd murder whoever said that. Kiba smirked and took a step towards his teammate "Sex god, huh?"

-The next day-

Fangirlish squeals were now heard in Konoha more then birds chirping. With pretty boy Neji constantly stating his claim on Gaara with virginity stealing smirks and Kiba pouncing on sex-god Shino every chance he got it was no wonder. Every fangirl in Konoha now praised Temari.

However, not everyone was so happy with her potion. Sasuke and Iruka-Sensei spent the time they were not being chased by Ino and Akamaru putting up warning posters. "Konoha's self-proclaimed cupid is armed and dangerous"

* * *

Leave me reviews and suggestions for future pairings!


	10. Authors note

So I haven't updated this fanfiction in quite a long while. I've been busy with other things and this story doesn't get a lot of reviews.

At first I kind of wanted to write one more chapter for this and end it. But the idea of love potions is too great. I can explore a lot of crack pairings this way in the future. So I decided that this story is complete. I will however be posting oneshots in the future with more of Temari's crazy love potion.

I'm sorry for the randomness of this but I have a lot of other things I'm working on. If you want more NejiGaara goodness you can check out my other fics.


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